It's not all peachy keen

September 2019

Although this month is known by many things, whether it be Earth Wind and Fires pinnacle song to only be sung on the 21st night of September (on a lighter note) or the events of 9/11 that forever changed the US (on a more grim note). September, however, came as a bit of a low point here. You may be thinking, how could I feel bummed while living "the dream" in Australia? Well when you uproot your life and community and attempt to make a new one while taking classes at the same time, it can happen. You get overwhelmed and drained and forget that you're supposed to be taking care of yourself too.

I found a post someone shared on Facebook addressed "To the girl who moved away from her family..." Now, this is specified to a newly married woman beginning her life with her own family, but I resonated with a lot of the points she brought up. And to be honest, that season will come in time as well, so I am thankful for experiencing this now and gaining insights and coping strategies I can apply later on when that season of "new beginnings" comes again.
"Some days you feel independent and loved and other days you feel forgotten and confused! Nobody said it would be emotionally and physically hard on you, but nobody said it was easy! These times help us grow into strong women, but the process comes in waves!
The phone calls, texts, Facebook posts, and Facetiming can only do so much on the days you need advice, you need a hug, or you just need someone to vent to. You feel like you start to forget their voices, and they're living happily without you.
All the birthdays, and holidays you miss, and their fun family photos to follow that you aren't in, and some days you wish you could drop everything and go back. You wish you could just fly home, you wish you could hug your mom, dad, siblings, all family. You wish your dad would lecture you one more time, you and your mom could go get coffee and talk, your dog would snuggle up beside you and you were just present...
But the hard thing about all of this is there is no going back. You are here to grow, you are here to provide for your family now, you are here to remember all the family moments and cherish them as much as you can, and never take any moment for granted when you see them next.
Some days i'm in my bathroom breaking down and some days I miss my families calls cause i'm so busy enjoying life. It comes in waves, but when it hits just remember... They didn't leave you, they will always be there for you and it's okay to miss home, because home misses you too!"

It is a blessing to be studying abroad for a semester, I don't take that for granted! But I had lost my joy of living here. I had lost sight of the purpose I was chasing after and the direction I was going in; why I came here. Truthfully, a good part of it was because I was not prioritizing my time with God every day. I was not starting my days being in His word when I needed Him the most during the lonely times here. He never left me though, he never stopped looking after me. Devotionals, advice from friends back home, and talking more often with family became encouragements and reminders! They helped me refocus and redirect the mental rut I had gotten stuck in. I was reminded again just how important community is and I have thankfully found a really great church here! I have learned and grown so much personally and there is still more to g(r)o(w)! Things are not perfect and they're never going to be, but they get better each day by keeping a positive and optimistic outlook! The devil sucks and he really got a hold of my mind and heart for a bit because I wasn't protecting it. But I know now what I need to do to keep myself out of that rut. There is always good that can be found in the bad, there is always joy that can be found in the sad!

For those who took the time to read this, thank you!:) I am not this publically open about personal struggles and I didn't write this for sympathy calls or texts. I needed to get it out in writing and I needed it as a reminder to my future self that I went through this season here. I will be faced with similar situations like this again in the future, so i'll be better prepared for when it happens.

Now here are some pictures of animals, because this is not all doom and gloom:

The wallabies here are such funny things. They are also either super skittish or couldn't give a rip lol!

These are their possums (and spelled like that too). And a lovely Kookaburra, not sitting in a gum tree though. Their calls sound psychotic.

Shay the dog. A guy in my class will bring her in from time to time, my prof could care less ahah. And this is my neighbors' cat, so sweet and fluffy.